God’s Order for Marriage
When Jesus is asked about divorce, he refers to God’s original order of creation. He makes clear that the nature of marriage is determined not by human customs and concessions, but by God’s will from the beginning. In doing so, he restores to the center the standard that had been diluted over time: “What therefore God has joined together, don’t let man tear apart.”
The Foundational Text
“Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh.”
— , World English Bible
God’s Order or Civil Law
This article addresses marriage according to God’s order, not civil law. Neither a civil marriage ceremony nor a final divorce decree determines what is valid before God.
Jesus establishes the standard: “What therefore God has joined together, don’t let man tear apart.” No secular law stands above this order. A civil divorce changes the legal status, but does not undo what God has joined together.
Marriage in the Bible
describes three interconnected requirements for marriage: leaving father and mother, holding fast to one’s own wife, and becoming one flesh.
These three requirements do not stand independently of one another; they form a whole. According to this understanding, neither leaving the parental home, making a binding commitment, nor sexual union alone establishes a marriage. Only when leaving, holding fast, and becoming one flesh come together has a marriage been entered into according to this order of creation.
The Father’s Consent to the Marriage
In the relevant biblical cases, the father’s consent forms part of the arrangements leading to marriage. In , the father explicitly has the right to refuse his daughter’s marriage to the man in question. In this case, his consent is a prerequisite for the marriage. The giving of a daughter in marriage is also described in biblical narratives: Laban brings Leah to Jacob and later gives him Rachel as his wife ().
The father’s “release” here means his consent to this particular marriage. It concerns the transition from the father’s household into married life.
A distinction must be made between the order of creation and Mosaic legislation. The Torah attributes both to God. describes the fundamental marital union within the order of creation: leaving, holding fast, and becoming one flesh. Mosaic law regulates specific cases within the existing family structure. These include the father’s right of consent in . The creation account alone does not establish this as a universal requirement for every marriage.
1. Leaving Father and Mother
Jesus connects leaving father and mother with holding fast to one’s wife and becoming one flesh (). In the context of , leaving can be understood as a reordering of family ties.
Jesus sets limits on family demands. When his mother and brothers send for him, he declares: “For whoever does the will of God is my brother, my sister, and mother.” His statement about “hating” one’s parents likewise requires giving him priority over family ties. makes this clear: love for one’s parents is subordinate to love for Jesus (; ; ).
The following implication can be drawn for leaving in order to marry: the man takes personal responsibility for the marital bond commanded by God. His parents continue to be honored; their instructions remain subordinate to this order. Anyone who continues to let their parents determine the course of their marriage falls short, in this respect, of the personal responsibility associated with leaving.
Leaving does not remove the duty to honor father and mother. Jesus affirms the obligation to honor one’s parents and support them materially ().
2. Holding Fast
The Hebrew verb dābaq (“cling to,” “hold fast”) describes committed attachment and faithfulness in practice. In , the man holds fast to his wife and joins his life to hers. The same verb describes Israel’s holding fast to God (; ) and Ruth’s faithfulness to Naomi ().
Ruth’s attachment to Naomi shows how holding fast and a promise of faithfulness belong together. In , she holds fast to Naomi; in , she declares her willingness to share Naomi’s journey and life until death. She confirms this promise with the words: “May the LORD do so to me, and more also, if anything but death parts you and me.” (, World English Bible, excerpt)
3. Becoming One Flesh
Becoming one flesh includes sexual union. Paul makes this clear in : “Or don’t you know that he who is joined to a prostitute is one body? For, ‘The two’, he says, ‘will become one flesh.’” In doing so, he explicitly refers back to .
Paul does not thereby declare every sexual relationship to be a marriage. His warning shows that becoming one flesh can also occur outside the marital order. Within God’s order of creation, it belongs together with leaving father and mother and holding fast to one’s own wife. Sexual union should therefore not be considered apart from a committed shared life, but as its bodily expression.
The Woman’s Perspective
describes a woman’s transition from her father’s household into marriage. The royal bride is told: “Forget your own people, and also your father’s house.” Her new allegiance is to the king, to whom she is led as a bride. The following application to marriage today can be drawn from this wedding song: the woman, too, shapes her life around the marriage. This takes priority over conflicting expectations from her family of origin.
Ruth illustrates another form of leaving: as a widow, she leaves her father, mother, and homeland to remain with Naomi. Boaz acknowledges her faithfulness and her seeking refuge in the God of Israel. Her marriage to Boaz comes later. Ruth’s example thus illustrates a deliberate commitment to a new bond, while directly describes the transition into marriage.
Conclusion
The order of creation describes marriage in a simple structure: leaving father and mother, holding fast to one’s own wife, and becoming one flesh. These statements bring together personal responsibility for the marriage, faithfulness, and bodily union.
Marriage and the wedding celebration are distinct. describes the union of man and woman through leaving, holding fast, and becoming one flesh. It is this union that Jesus refers to as God’s joining together.